Imperial Mints,Oh and Nail Varnish
by stylemylifebunny
Summary: HEYA! Craig Clyde SMEXYNESSSS OVER LOAD! x X ok the south park teens really are a misbehaving buntch! send me you jokes and i will incorprate them into the south park randomness, but this had got some dark humor in so i recomened that you dont read this if you carnt deal with my rubbish ok? warning you SLASHed UP! XX xP hater's gonna hate! sexual content! VOIELNCE LANGUAGE!


_**Hellow, welcome one, welcome all! Know ladies and gentlemen! Please take a seat, here indulge your need for south park slash here, now! enjoy! Xx R&R Xx If you feel like it ;) xx comments welcome! But no tollin what do I look like a goat? Tehehe brb!xx oh wait sexual activates ahead you are warned this content should not be viewed by **__**anyone!**__** yep and expect…werid starngeness k? this is a mulitchapter xx if you have an ocr send me their appearance and basic info! **__**J**__** k? xx boi's 17 btw **__**J**____**J**____**J**____**J**____**J**__**.**_

**Chapter One: **Pear Shaped, Apple. Sun jar.

The music pulsated through the tall building walls, the deafening sound echoed around a very purple bedroom, the double bed situated in the middle of the dark room, lay two figures harshly rooting agents each other, the bed sheets lay a tangled mess around their ankles and half strewn across the floor. The still dust filled air, rose and swirled, carrying deep and lust moans out under the light door frame and out into the empty hallway.

"mmmhhh..o-oooh ngh…mmmh, **nn…oouummmm!**"

Bruised and rouged lips connected, a low moan escaped from now open mouths, teeth flashed as they clashed playfully, tongues met and lapped at each other in a hungry notion. The slicked muscles fought for dominance. Body's reacting to each other, tentatively their tongues swirled together, exploring, delving deeper into each others mouths, tasting the warm, pink flesh that they found their.

"**mmh..ngh-mmm**" breaking from the kiss, they gasped for air.

Lips latched onto the delicate flesh of his neck, sucking at his jugular, nipping at his tender flesh. "mmmmh..**oooooh**, ugh..**ummm**." Angry red blood cells rose to the surface of his skin. A growl erupted from his thought as the figure retreated down his body, pulling at his loose shirt, revealing his slightly toned, tanned torso." Wha-w-what are y-you…mmmhh!" full bodied lips sucked to his chest, fingers teased his taunt nipples. Shock and confusion broke though him as a new wave of pleasure filled him, In his drunken state he continued to stare as the other manipulated his chest. Tugging on his left nipple, playfully twisting the nub; as they bit down gently on the right. Saliva now coated his abdomen, as a tongue slipped-dived, teeth dig into sensitive skin, rugged fingers continued to play with his body. And by GOD his body was on _fire,_ god he wanted more and he wanted it _now_, he _needed it. _Whatever _**it**_ is was. All he knew was that he needed it- needed it _**bad**__. _

Hands pulled at his jeans, pulling open his belt, effetely cupping his crouch fingering the bulge through the tin material of his cotton boxers, "mmmmmhhhhhhhppp…". Lips meet his again, grunting he bucked up, grinding once more agents the other. He caught their bottom lip between his teeth pulling away slightly he ground the soft flesh, sucking lightly. The bed shifted under them, creaking as they shifted their weight, as they pulled angrily at their clothes, throwing their discarded articles, uncaring where they landed, Clyde raised his hips from the bed, to aid, as his jeans where pulled from his legs, he continued to help the transition by kicking the lose material away. His T-shirt was long gone. Breaking the kiss once more he pulled at the others clothing desperate to get the other boy just as naked as he was, he wanted to feel his skin on his skin, he wanted _more_.

"ooh C-Cra-ooooohhh-aaaaig! Uhh, ngh!" panting he craned his neck to the side to give Craig more access to his neck as he lapped at him, grazing his teeth ageists Clyde's flesh, as he tugged his own jeans down.

Pushing him away slightly he pulled the others T-shirt embroidered with a random slogan across the front, over the others head. He threw Craig's trademark hat free from the other, threading his fingers in the others dark mane, weaving the soft locks between them. "ugh-g-god c-cr-aig-g" their chests slammed into each other, body's pulsating agents one another, pressing hard, rubbing. Hands moved to grip the others waist pressing flush onto his body, thumb dipping to the curve of his slender hips. Muscled arms flexed as the brought hands down either side of Clyde's head leaning into the kiss, tilting; changing the angel, in-effect to deepen it.

Craig moaned into the open mouth kiss. Clyde brought his hands down from Craig's hair to feel the broad defined shoulders in front of him, hands running up over his shoulder blades, nails teasing scraping his muscled back, leaving red trails. He shuddered in pleasure as Craig nibbled on his ear lob, tonguing the exposed flesh before taking the lob back into his mouth, sucking. Gyrating agents each other, grinding lustfully. The sensations where driving him wild, he had to have more. "uummm..Cr-aiigggg, nnngmmmhhh" he was being so _**sluttish, **_shamefully rutting agents Craig's toned thigh, which was positioned perfectly between his legs, he was just so desperate for the **delicious friction**, he had a need and he needed it _taken care of know_, he didn't care if he was dirtying his boxers it was just so dam _good_.

"uhh..C-Craig…p-p-ppl-e..ease!" god look at him, eyes all misty; full of longing begging for more! How pathetic, writhing around, ugh-but he just couldn't control himself, it just felt _so_ooogood_! _He never wanted it to end_! "Craig!" _He pushed his hips up once more in spite of himself, hoping that Craig would telepathically know what Clyde needed, because he didn't know himself, he looked into Craig's eyes as if staring into the ice blue sapphires would tell him the answer. God he hoped they would. "uummmm, ngh,nnnnnh-"

He was just so _hot_, not only physically speaking (ok tbf he could have done with some more regular exercise but he was fit enough, enough to have a place on the football and basketball team but whatever. Girls wanted him and that was enough-well at least he thought it was fuck, he was just so dam HOT!), he felt as if his skin was about to boil of his bones, if it was even possible, which they where going to find out in a minute if they _didn't_ continue with their previous activity whatever _**it**_ was, exactly he didn't really know what it was. What did he even want! How did this even happen anyway? He remembered party with ambary's!(yay) and then keg…lots of shots (hahahahaa) bebe?(fuck yeah) and then this-god he was HOT. What was Craig doing? (Right him! Hahahahhaha-oh fuck shut up brain! This was not the time! Hotness!) the urgency to escape from his thoughts brought him full to the breathless boy hovering over him. God _Craig_, _**Craig**_ was fucking hot, not that he had noticed before in a bromatic way obviously, but dam his toned swimmers bod was drop dead sexy and hot-hot-hot-hot! And he was-doing him? Clyde had never really been into guys not that he was aware of anyway, sure checking out butt was ok as both guys and gals where the same right? But whatever, Clyde liked good things and this was defiantly a _good_ thing. Why had it stopped? Where was the touching? He glanced up from Craig's heaving chest to his searching gaze, he was about to demand to know why he had stopped, but found the words dyeing fast in this thought… .gawd! He doesn't want me; because I'm fat and ugly! He has been brought out of he intoxicated state of arousal or some shit! No!-what! God he was still hot so hot it was burning! No! "Cr…Cr-aiig? am'am…I too-**hic**-too-too… ffff-at-**hic**-it's m-my face-ce isent, it-**hic**-t?" what? Wetness…face? Oh dam now he was crying. What. The. Fuck. He could just die, ugh!

"Wha…Clyde don't cry!…I-I-I want-..eh you. I just-" wiping the few fat tears that had slid down his cheeks Craig stopped talking- _he hesitated . _I don't believe it the great and half naked Craig Tuckers was hesitating, Tweak was right-it's the end of the world! Somebody, everybody grab somebody sexy, the world is going to end tonight! Quick all of you-everyone SEXY TIME. (God what?) What in the world was wrong with two sexy people getting it on? Why was their hesitating and stuff. Bring it on, onwards with the great and powerful Craigmister! Take it! Take _**me!**_ He grew impertinent and crushed his lips agents Craig's perfect wonderful wet ones, griping onto the other he moaned lustfully again. Their was no hope! He was powerless! He was just so dam hot!

Placing his hands once again in Craig's hair, he tugged harshly at the strands. Their hips slammed into each other, he could feel Craig's _equal_ arousal pressing right on his, Craig shifted slipping fully in-between Clyde's thighs. The extra material of their boxers causing more friction, they where starting to get wet but neither of them cared. But he wanted to feel more! He wanted them off. "Craiiiggg…uhhummm, ngggh nhg…" they thrust at each other, rubbing feverishly. He meowed.

"umm Clyde...ummm ng" Fuck yeah! He made Craig mother fucking tucker, moan _his _name, like a bitch!…wait was he the bitch? Did he care? God. Clothes. Need. To. Come. Off. All. Off. Them! Like know dude! He moved to paw at the thick waste band of Craig's underwear.

Craig flicked his eyes from Clyde's red flustered face down his body to his hands as he grabbed at the last piece of clothing separating him and the other boy.

Gasping as he was stripped completely, his bare skin exposed to the cold intoxicating night air, the material slipping from his upper thighs, Clyde bit into his bottom lip; in what he hoped for was a seductive and sexy manner, well that was _what_ he was going for but he highly doubted in his own intoxicated and possibly drugged 'state' though it came across like that, instead he feared he looked like he was having a harsh menstrual cramp, which was lets face it impossible for a _boy_ like him to have but still, saying he looked constipated was way worse and totally about to kill his boner. Shouldering away his blasted thoughts, he meowed and pushed the tips of his fingers into the cusp of Craig's boxers, squeezing the tender, tight muscled buttocks he found their.

The noticeable lift of Craig's lush (that's right bitches he said it-, **lush**), swollen lips, (dam he was so fucking sexy) curving up into a breath taking smile, as he chuckled, allowing his dimples to _shine_, holy cow. He. Had. Dimples.

God. Dam. Fucking. Dimples. (He had forgotten that! How could he, fuck he really need to get a picture of this!) And it was turning him **on**!

"…Clyde" ummm just the way he said his name! The easy smile he had donned still firmly in place "…I…I…I- fuck, I…"

"uh-umm…yeah…" came his reply to Craig's speech.

Communicating through small touches and murmurs of telepathic waves, connecting in the dense atmosphere. The stench of sex, alcohol and teenagers like a thick fog encased the building.

Freed completely from his clothes Clyde half hid his face In the crumpled bed sheets as Craig moved back. A dark blush rose to his face, dappling over his body: a mixture of heat, arousal and embarrassment. Bending down Craig sucked at the exposed section of Clyde's neck, working purple marks to the surface. Craig rolled down his boxers, he hissed as the cold air hit his; Junk.

Lips latched back onto his. Body pressed together. Craig cupped his cheek, Deeping the kiss, dominating it. A hand slid down his chest. "ooh!" Clyde shuddered sucking in air into his lungs, because Craig the fucker had is hand encircling his god dam dick. He gasped, gripping Craig's muscular shoulders and breaking the kiss. Craig brought his fist around him, changing the pressure of his hold, causing him to be dripping after just a few hard tugs, "ummmm _**c-c-cr-aiggggg**_! h-h-holy _fuck_" Craig brought his index finger over to finger his slit, rubbing in the extra drops moisture it found their.

Craig leaned forwards further instead of lowering himself to Clyde's lips, he reached past Clyde's head and towards the night stand as if searching-reaching for something. The tell tail sound of a bottle clicking open filled the room, to join the sound of their heavy aroused breathing. Accompanying his confusion Clyde gave Craig a questioning look. Was he really letting this happen? Was this happening? Fuck. Craig paused, frozen- panting he managed to ask"…do…do you want to stop?". Clyde could easily tell from their multiple years of friendship that Craig was in fact asking a question rather than stating that Clyde wanted to stop, it in that stoic, emotionless voice of his. ' Did he want to stop? Did _**he**_ want to stop? What-no…could they even if they tried? They seemed to have taken it well past the point of stopping already-no return, and it was just so dam hot' all this intense thinking was making his already clogged up brain to spaz out leading him to sprout a jumbled up mass of what where meant to be words "wh-ujm, eh ccra-st-no-mmmh, mph nggh do yo-why? D-d-don'-t ne-eee-hottt-tt…-"

"Clyde if…if you want, we…we can-" Clyde never got to know what Craig had been trying to say although he was certain that Craig hadn't understood what he had been trying to say a few moments ago as he shoved his tongue down his throat. Lapping at his gums, rubbing his tongue over his teeth, 'ummm he tasted like-like-like-' fuck he didn't know, all he knew was that dam it was good! "ummmmmmmmhhh" he moaned his appreciation into his mouth, god he tasted so mother fucking good, he nibbled at his bottom lip, dragging his tongue across Craig's defined jaw line, he bucked up into the other grip, loosing it.

The lean teen pushed Clyde's bucking hips down, pinning him too the bed. God, Clyde's fucking face, ugh so fucking cute-shit, now he was pouting fucking pouting ugh, uber-cuteness overdrive, fuck, he was moaning and grinding agents him so lustfully, god he couldn't help him self- he saw red: driving down to devour the others chest, kissing and nibbling. Marking him. He just tasted so good! He pushed Clyde's legs further apart, he eyed him, latching onto his skin, teasing him between his teeth. He slipped his hand down to Clyde's entrance, rubbing the tender flesh. Clyde moaned in eagerness, pressing back on his fingers. Shit, had Clyde done this before? He himself had done this twice, with a guy so he knew what he was doing,…but he had thought Clyde was a _Virgin_ not that it mattered if he _wasn't-_just, in fact that was kind of better that he **wasn't** as that had been one of the main reasons, of why he hadn't let his primal instincts take over his actions. Covering his fingers hastily with the hand lotion he threw the bottle down on the bed next to him, positioning his vanilla and coconut scented fingers. He paused again- "Clyde…I'm- I'm gonna, do it" their eyes met

" . have too, will**-eh-**will, I…er"

"Just _relax_, its...its going to feel-weird" he stated just encase, so he wouldn't freak the other out "at the start".

"yeah" the breathless reply was awkward but so sensual.

His roaming lips continued to abuse Clyde's thighs, as he pushed his first sickened finger past the first ring of muscles. _shit, _he was **tight**.

_**AUTHERS EPIC IMPRTNAT NOTEIE! =NOTE: ;) note full ~sexy time~ will be added in if people want that please R&R, because I don't want to post shit…I will infuse later chap0ters with it- but don't worry their will be more sexy time ;) xxx but just so you know Clyde got fucked, hard. XD anyway…**_

{ Queue magical music, to accompany a bright early sunrise: the time being approximately 6:43, Sunday }

Wtf happened last night, waaah, oh wait he was in bed hmmm nice an warm, guess he managed to get home, fuck the sun man ugh! Why where his curtains open-he had backout ones wtf, ugh who would do this? His dad?haha soooo funny, he was probably at work-sleeping at his office. Ugh then it must have been him-drunken ass. He rolled over- stretching, he would not rise from his pit till well after three in the afternoon. "ow!" what the fuck! Scrunching his eyes up he felt around, what was this?- a…a wall? What? His bed wasn't next to a wall. Opening his eyes-pink? He may have femine tendencies but god dam it he was not a girl like his friends teased him- god his head hurt- what, which mother fucker had painted his bedroom pink? It wasn't even hot pink it was a subtitle 'pawn' pink-which was ewie gross. Ugh, he glanced at his window, seeing yellow-yellow? Yellow! Yellow fucking curtains, who the fuck even has yellow curtains? What! What is the point they are practically see through-ugh pointless, and they didn't even match the rooms décor! Totally out of place!…wait…fuck his window wasn't there…tha…this-this isn't his room! Oh. my. god! Where was he? Looking down at himself he saw…nakedness! Fuck! Peaking under the covers-yep totally naked! Did he…-did he get _laid_ last night? Fuck yeah! Go Clyde! Go Clyde! Fuck yeeeeah! He is a sexy mother fucker! Wait if he got laid...where was she? Dam! …well if she was gone, then who was she? Hmm, thinking back to the start of _last_ night, hmm ok so he remembered styling his hair-picking he's fucking amazing out fit, erm, and then having a few pre-party shots of his dads brandy-not like he was going to miss it, then getting bored and taking an online quiz-to see how he would die;

How will I die?

Your Result: **You will be murdered.**

This doesn't guarantee pain and suffering, but it will be at the hands of another. Perhaps the vile deeds of a past life will attribute to this horrific demise. Do not fear murder. There is a rare epiphany that comes from this type of death. You will see it in the last moments.

Other ways you could have died, as a result of you answers;

You will die in a nuclear holocaust.

You will die from a terminal illness.

You will die of boredom.

You will die in a car accident.

You will die while saving someone's life.

You will die while having sex.

You will die in your sleep.

Fuck- he was going to get MURDERED holy shit! Fuck. He wanted to die fucking god dam it! He didn't want to get murdered! He was re-doing the quiz trying to get a different result (one that he felt suited him better like dieing in his sleep-preferably fucking but whatever)…then Token, plus Tweek turning up ready for action, pulling him out of his brain _freeze_ -then they had picked up Craig-the radio was blasting out "call me maybe", by Charlie ray, or whatever he was belting out the tunes in Tokens smooth ride, ok then party! It was around his…er beer that things had started to get sketchier…dancing…with well everyone…grinding, then he was laughing-in a circle on the floor in...the basement? What …was he doing-oh yeah, playing truth or dare…and a joint being passed around, Token telling him not too…but he did, Craig was doing it- it looked fun, he _had_ been high before…then shots…tongue but who's, was playing with his. Erm…more drinking-music.

That was it…just yeah-blurry…ness. Fuck yeah! Wild night! Heh. What was he still doing here? What time was it fuck! He totally had to get 'the low down' about last night, and brag about his wild...well he didn't know exactly what he did but he just knew it was wild! Grinning to him self, he push himself up- 'ow-holy fuck!', what was that, his-his ass! Shit…what happened last night? Why does his back and butt kill? Heart pounding he hissed as he pushed back the covers, swinging his legs over the side of the bed (earning him a stabbing pain up his spine), in search of his clothes…what was _**that**_, hickeys? He had like a hundred hickeys! Covering his chest and thighs. Dam he defiantly had sex last night, but with a fucking dam vampire! Fuck I bet she was a mother fucking beast and it looked like she went **down** on him! He grinded again, boohoo yeah! Scanning the room he saw various articles of his clothes strewn around the room, littering the floor. He bent to pick up his boxers, and he was reminded of his 'condition', wtf _did_ happen last night? Why does his ass kill?…wait his head snapped up-'he...he, didn't…did he? Really? No he could have! Impossible!…wasn't it, he didn't-**doesn't **like guys like that! Does he?…fuck…and he was the bitch! Fuck…and they had skipped out on him! The prick took his ass virginity and didn't even leave a note! Who was the fucker! What an _ass_. Ugh, he stood up intent in jamming his legs into his boxers, frustrated only to cripple in pain at the fast movement, his butt! On no his **head!** killer! Fuck! He needed an aspirin or like ten! Dude. He needed to find he's peeps, and find out what happened, shit, shit, shit! Like what if everyone knew he, like _went_ with another** dude**. Frantic he pulled on his clothes, cringing ever so often. Well this is Bebe's house he recognised the paint it was the same as most of the walls in her house, thinking about it-which he supposed was a good thing, at least he wasn't in some 'strangers' house, dam that would be awkward.

Catching sight of a bottle of body lotion lying on the cream carpet, a thought flashed into his head did they…use _protection_? Fuck… he looks but doesn't find a wrapper. No! no! this was **bad**, he didn't want to die, he had so much to live for! He couldn't die!-shit he was freaking out like tweek! He needed to calm down; get out of here, find out what happened last night and _who_ took his virginity but was too much of an ass to stick around for a morning chat, the prick **left** him after he had rocked their world! They probably didn't even cuddle! and finally make sure the whole school doesn't know-and get fucking tested…fuck if his dad ever found out about this, he shook his head. Fuck he couldn't have aids or some shit could he-nah people have one night stands all the time, wait no he didn't think that! Arggh, he had to stop thinking like that-he just needed to get to someone with a _functioning _brain, who would that be? Craig?-he might look sober an all but he was a cranky bitch when he was hung over, he was probliy still high knowing Craig. Fuck. Tweek would flip his shit, and having him do that would not **help him **calm the fuck down and think rationally, his last hope was Token although he could try Kenny, he _did_ have an amazing drunk memory, I don't know how he does it…that lucky fucker he is pretty trust worthy-a secret kind of man. Everyone's would tell someone…but wait…Kenny is a man-ho what if it was _**him**_ that he had slept with! Shit! He has come onto Clyde before, but he comes on to everyone and anyone plus their kind of bro's that would be so wrong and why would he leave! He's a lazy mother fucker, and he would most likely stay and cuddle. Believe that boi was a clingy touchy dude! He had woken multiple times wrapped in his arms (fully, ok _mostly _clothed) after rocking party, curled up on the floor or rarely, a sofa. Nothing, **nothing** had ever happened between the two of them, he was dead sure about this. Well he was…fuck his brain can't deal with this crap after being so harshly abused only probably only a few hours ago. Token he wouldn't have had…**sex** with Token…haw no way in hell!…right? Right? Jesus Fucking Christ how could he NOT remember! Ugh.

Okay, okay calm down Clyde…breath, okay the plan of action, the plan of action. Ok-get the fuck out of here and go…home? Home. Home was good, he could get some aspirin, eat some taco's, shower and kill-fucking murder his hang over. Then he would contact his buddies and get the low down, do damage control (he thought that was how you where meant to use that phrasing and he was only saying it to himself so it was kewl if it was wrong). Peeping around the stupid, pointless yet oddly homely curtain Clyde saw cars lining the ice clad pavement, good that meant he wasn't the only one who had stayed over *cof*passed out*cof* here, he could probably escape without looking to conspicuous. Cracking open what he thought was the bedroom door, intending to peer round and make a break for the stairs, only to find he had opened the closet door. Fuck. Correcting his mistake, Clyde popped his head round the door frame, satisfied that the coast was clear, he was sure the discarded trash wasn't going to bust his ass and revel to his entire grade that he was sneaking out after getting butt fucked by a guy.

Half his mind guided him through the house, careful not to make to much commotion, leading him down the stairs, stepping over the passed out teenagers, some half naked others still grasping half empty cups of washed out cheap beer. The other half was desperately trying to figure out who he had _sex_ with, really if it had been one of his bro's they would have sticked around the next morning…cause like, they would have known that he would be freaked out the next morning, but maybe it was for that reason that they had left? But that wouldn't make sense…as they would have known that being his bro's he would instantly turn to them for help and their _assistance_. But really he was doubtful it was one of his bro's, Tweek like is incapable of sneaking anywhere- plus Tweeks got a thing about being dominated so it wasn't likely to be him besides him having drunk sex with in a place infested with germs and crap, it was so hard to imagine Tweek having sex when any type of bodily fluid freaked him out it was a wonder he managed to fucking _kiss_ someone, and well Clyde was a clingy mother fucker and he doubted even whilst in the act of 'passion' and intoxication that he could deal with Clyde's high level of 'touch'. And how in all that is holy would he and Tweekers have gotten into a sexual situation _with him _of all people was a wonder to the masses, the kid was a clean freak and he knew (thanks to Clyde's tendency to brag and share important information, like that of a sexual nature) **where** he had been, and who with. Knowing such information repulsed his spazy blond friend, so with such knowledge that rules Tweek out of the equation.

He wondered what Tweek would do when he found about Clyde's adventure last night. Hmmm-wait, this was so off track, with an intense expression plastered to his face, Clyde reined in his thoughts as if their were- WAIT he was doing it again! Getting so of track!

…Craig? Pahahaaha don't make him laugh brain! God that's so funny, Craig was as straight as, as..as something MEGA straight like a stick…but not a bendable stick something like made of wood (teheheehheehee) no more like iron. Wait, no you can bend iron with heat and stuff. **Anyway **not that Craig had voiced his dislike for _homosexuals_, their was no way in hell he would bone a guy! I mean his dad had drilled pretty hard into him about how bad homo's are, he often used the word **fag** as an insult as well. Well… so did he and just about everyone he knew, but when _other_ people say it he didn't really think they **meant** it in that way, hey wait didn't, didn't fag mean Harley bickers anyway?

Plus everyone thought that he was asexual in till he had that giant fling with Bebe-Craig defiantly has a thing for knockers, and that girl that worked at raisins; it didn't work out, turns out Craig is really, really **really** dam protective, almost possessive not that he's disrespectful to chicks and stuff he just realy dig's them and cant stand other people looking and touching them in like, _the wrong way, _you know he's all for respecting them, he would never and has never hit a girl, but hurt them yeah-but their isn't much you can do when a girl falls for you and you an emotionless tard who doesn't want to get up too his waste in all that clunge! God he was so jealous of Craig smoken good looks, him and Token could totally make it as male strippers and get like a million bucks in _one_ night; not that Tweek wasn't sex-on-legs it was just his personality and permanent twitchy, paranoid state scared many girls away, not that the dude cared much, he thought their where all spies anyway out to steal his secrets or and sell is organs on the black market. He was pretty sure Tweek knew nothing that the government would be interested in let alone want to steal and be bothered enough to send in _multiple _under cover agents intent on seducing his friends so he was alone and vulnerable, yeah, and the _**gnomes **_only wanted his underwear or so the boy constantly claimed, he swore that boy was comando most of the time. He was also positive that tweekers was gay anyway-but it still couldn't have been him that tore up his ass, he was sure; he himself can get pretty out of control in the bedroom, not saying he was rough or anything just he can get grabby that would freak the blond out too much, and like he said the germ thing as well, which was swell if he was honest as having sex with Tweek would totally fuck up their relationship, not that he would **let** his friend _go_ over such a thing but still-awkwarks! And it was kind of a big deal, it was his _virginity_ after all. Token…well he was the straightest guy ever like, he had **never** caught him checking out another guy and rarely made sexual jokes with his bro's, not even dem ho's…he also had that thing, you know a GIRLFRIEND lucky mother fucker-he was the pimp daddy! Red was a lucky bitch to have him! Wendy can suck on tokens big toe! Yeah-she was kind of a whore, he didn't like it when she used his bro…like wtf girl get a clue! Jesh! Stan dosen't want ya'h and Token doesn't want ya'h, so stay away! So that ruled out all his bro's…hmmm…(Don't get him wrong, most of the guys and some luc'kay gals at school were his bro's it was just Craig, Tweek and Token where **his ****bro's**.)

By now he had managed to make his way to the front door** undetected, **fuck yeah _like a boss! _He giggled as the meme flashed into his head, stifling the noise behind his hand he eased open the red front door. The cold greeted him, like an old friend. Fuck. He was going to freeze off his _balls_ off walking home, he would have to jog or something, oh the price of fashion! Really his out fit was sexy, chinos' and all, but it wasn't constructed with south park weather in mind. Well whatever he looked like da'bomb last night! He looked so good that he had gotten laid last night, hey a lay is a _lay._ Its all the same! Sex is sex. A smirk planted on his face he sauntered out into the fridge cold climate.

DESTINALION=HOME.

_**EXTRACT! FROM FUTURE CHAPTER!Xx**_

Holy shit I sparkle! What the fuck! Pahahhahha, he ripped his shirt from his body flinging it down on his bed he was laughing his fucking **ass** _off! _"Dude this is awesome! Come see this! I'm fucking _Edward Cullen! _Haahaha! Shit why do I sparkle?-fuck. Oh! It must have been that body wash! It did have tinkerbell and her lil fairy friends on it."

Craig choose that moment to walk in, JUST as he was going this gay little dance, his trousers around his ankles trying to look at his back in the mirror on his wardrobe. It was just his glittery skin was so alluring!


End file.
